you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
