so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize