all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize