I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
