On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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