I have demons in me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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