he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
