At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
