Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
