remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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