There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
