She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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