Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
