My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
