I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This is not my ceiling
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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