When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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