I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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