Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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