one might say we're banned from that church
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
