How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
