My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
NoShamevember. You game?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize