got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
