I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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