He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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