why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
