I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
