Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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