GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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