Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
