you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
