My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
