all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
