whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were trust falling into bushes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
