She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
