Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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