In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
