Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
