kristin has been a bad kristin
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
