Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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