She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
