I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
