I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
