too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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