I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
