Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
