apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
