can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
