Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
