he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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