My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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