Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
