EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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