You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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