It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
