So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
