I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
