Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
