Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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