Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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