you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
