I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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