Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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