That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
