i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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