you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
