so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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