I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
