So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
