it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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