you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
