and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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