Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well you can't waste a boner
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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