can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
