she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
