At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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