put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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